Set up to fail.

I saw the counselor yesterday. Husband came too. We talked a good portion of the appointment about his experience of this and how he can help. That part was mostly okay.

But THEN. She basically said I have gotten to the point where I have to start eating more and gaining weight. The time has arrived and I am NOT ready.

She is very concerned that I’ve lost 6 pounds since I first met with her (about 5 weeks ago). The doctor is also concerned about this. The doctor wants to see me again in a month, so the counselor used a month as her timeline for seeing me meet some goals. She is going to talk to the doctor today or tomorrow and get back to me, but basically she suggested that I had to meet two of the following goals in a month:

  1. Gain 3 pounds
  2. Eat more calories per day
  3. Not overcompensate with exercise when I eat too much

She would also have me use a food log that doesn’t tell me how many calories things are (though I know the calories of a lot of things already). After she talks with the doctor, she will confirm or modify these goals. I told her I feel like these goals are way too much too fast because if I don’t meet them, they will make me go to an eating disorder facility to be given a treatment plan. The treatment plan would likely be one of the following:

  1. Go in daily for a few hours
  2. Go in daily for a full day (8 hours)
  3. Inpatient – residential

I can’t believe that if I don’t do 2 of these 3 (MASSIVE, HUGE) goals in ONE MONTH, they are talking about that kind of consequence. I can’t do that. I have a job and a toddler. But I do not think I’m quite ready for those goals. I was thinking my goals would start out being something like:

  1. Maintain, not lose, weight
  2. Gradually add more calories (start with a piece of toast in the AM, for example)

I feel so alone. Other than my husband, who I just fight with every time we try to talk about it, I don’t have anyone. The few people I have told haven’t checked in again and I feel weird asking people to check in or ask about it, especially if they don’t want to do that on their own. “I’m sorry, but would you mind caring about me?”

I told the counselor these goals in this time frame feel like I would just be set up to fail.

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