Surviving.

I went to a happy hour with some other moms last Friday. I couldn’t help but eat more calories than I meant to, including a fried goat cheese ball. I love goat cheese.

And…I gained a pound overnight. I handled it okay. But, I have been avoiding most social situations that involve food, which is most social situations. And this is why. I ate less for the next few days and got back to the 113.6 mark. Where I still am. So it’s been 8 days since my doctor’s and counseling appointments, and I weigh the same. I haven’t lost, so that’s something for them. But I just can’t see myself gaining weight and being okay with that.

The big annual event I organize at work is going on today and tomorrow and my team ate lunch together. I ate the whole strawberry and feta salad that came in the boxed lunch and am really worried about how many calories it must have been. And I really want to eat the cookie that came in the box, but haven’t.

I wrote an email to two of my girl friends who I told about my anorexia on the bachelorette weekend in January to give them an update, but I didn’t send it. I can’t bring myself to reach out. I don’t want to seem dramatic and if I gain a few pounds this month, then nothing will happen and I will have told them for nothing.

So. I guess I’m surviving.

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